How to Have a Traditional Jewish Wedding
Old-World Customs for Jewish Bride and Groom Promise a Good Marriage
May 19, 2009
Jewish wedding customs are among the most soulful and touching marriage traditions. Indeed, many of them date back for millennia, deriving as they do from established practices described in the Hebrew Bible, many parts of which were written down as long ago as 922 to 586 BC.
Adding even some of the customs described below to a contemporary Jewish wedding will fill the ceremony with a rich sense of history and meaning. Some of them, such as the bedecken, the hakafot, and the chair dance, would even be appropriate as part of a wedding ceremony conducted following the traditions of another faith or culture.
Jewish Wedding Customs
- Ketubah. The traditional marriage contract, usually an ornately decorated document, is written in ancient Aramaic. Detailing the obligations of bride and groom to support each other, and signed by groom and bride, it is considered legally binding under Jewish law and is often framed and displayed in the couple’s home.
- Bedecken. Veiling of the bride is believed to refer specifically to the first meeting of Rebecca and Isaac in Genesis 24:64-65: “And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a veil, and covered herself.” In this pre-wedding ceremony, the groom covers his bride’s face with her veil, thus legally confirming that she is the woman he will marry.
- Chuppah. The cloth wedding canopy, held up by a pole at each of its four corners, dates back at least to the Middle Ages, when weddings were held outdoors and the canopy was used to create a special, separate place for the exchange of vows. It has come to symbolize the new home created by the joining of bride and groom.
- Hakafot. This circling of the groom as the bride walks around him seven times represents not only his central role to her life but also the circle of sheltering love she will provide.
- Shevah Berakhot. The rabbi recites seven traditional blessings over the newlyweds, concluding with, “Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, creator of joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth and song, delight and rejoicing, love and harmony, peace and friendship. O Lord our God, may there ever be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem sounds of joy and celebration, voices of groom and bride, the jubilant voices of those joined in marriage under the bridal canopy, the voices of young people feasting and singing. Blessed art Thou, O Lord, who causes rejoicing for groom and bride.”
- Breaking the Glass. To conclude the ceremony, the groom smashes underfoot a wineglass wrapped in a cloth, after which guests yell “Mazel tov!” (Good luck!). This act may be taken to recall the destruction of the old temple in Jerusalem or the sorrow of Jewish exile; or to represent the fragility of life or the ending of old ways of life for the newly joined couple. In some ultra-contemporary Jewish weddings, the bride may smash a glass along with her groom. Purely practical participants have also been known to replace the wineglass with a light bulb, which is easier to break with a stomp of the foot and less wasteful than breaking a good glass.
- Chair Dance. During the wedding party, it is traditional for strong guests to dance while lifting both bride and groom, each holding one end of a scarf or napkin, into the air seated on chairs. This interpretation of the Talmudic teaching that guests must bring the couple joy literally elevates them couple to the status of queen and king at their celebration.
Whatever the style of the wedding or the practices observed, may much joy and fulfillment come through the marriage! (Looking for other wedding traditions? Check out How to Have a Traditional Greek Wedding or How to Have a Traditional Irish Wedding. Need guidance for buying the ring? See How to Judge a Diamond’s Quality and Shape.)
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